The Garage Sale

“Who invented the garage sale?”

Not the most earth shattering question to ponder, but it was what was on my mind as I sat lazily this morning behind our particular pile of stuff set out to tempt that curious creature known as the Garage Sale Shopper.

To me the most quality item we had for sale was a 5-disc CD player. (It was in great shape. We just never use it. All our CDs were long ago copied to the computers, and the occasional CD we play can be played on our DVD player.)

The item which drew the most attention was the six-foot tall stuffed giraffe. Everyone wanted to touch it. One mom put her little girl on its back. (“If it collapses, it’s yours,” I thought to myself.)

The things least likely to sell were the first to go. A set of antlers (no head; just antlers) which used to hang on the wall of my wife’s grandmother’s garage went for a dollar, as did a machete brought back from Jamaica by my then fifteen year old son.

“What are you going to DO with these things?” I wondered. I fantasized the murder weapon of some grisly murder being traced to me. I watch, you see, too many movies.

The giraffe was bought by a woman who runs a business which has ‘wild’ as it’s theme. She was quite happy with it, and I was happy to see it carted off down the street. It will make her a nice pet. It doesn’t eat much.

I was loading the unsold items into the trunk of the car to take them to Goodwill. The idea of a garage sale being to empty one’s living space, few items once designated Garage Sale Worthy ever make it back to the closet or shelf from which they were extracted. As I was doing this, a man came up and looked at my CD player. I had removed the price tag and was about to take it to the trunk. I had been asking $20. “Five dollars,” I told him. He took it. I was seconds from getting nothing for it.

When the dust settled, we had another $120 or so stashed away to buy that flat panel TV (we REALLY need it, you know).

I was surprised by the line of cars at Goodwill, and so I commented about it to the nice lady who was helping me unload my donation. She said, “It’s everybody bringing the stuff that don’t sell at garage sales.”

“Really?” I responded in my most shocked and surprised sounding voice.

I don’t think she bought it.