Barb 1, City Hall 0

A way to get my wife riled is to remind her of her traffic citation. Her one, sole, lonely, unique traffic citation.

She received it years ago, paid it, and to this day defends her innocence.

I’ve been guilty of all 682 of mine.

Anyway, my wife is the most scrupulous lawn waterer on the planet. In Florida, we have water restrictions due to a dwindling water table, proximity to vast quantities of salt water threatening to encroach upon our water supply, and recent diminished rainfall.

If you want to know what days are legal for watering and which days are not, don’t call the county. Call Barb. She knows. And she abides.

That’s what made it so surprising when our letter carrier delivered a certified letter a few weeks ago bearing a citation accusing Barb of watering the lawn on the wrong day.

Barb was out mowing the lawn at the time (is she a great woman or what?) and I wondered how she would take it.

The facts are that on Monday, we had new grass put in a small patch of the front yard. Doing this entitles homeowners to two weeks of daily watering. However, on Tuesday, the water enforcer came by and found our water feeding the lawn ON THE WRONG DAY. He therefore drew the conclusion that my wife (our water bill is in her name) was a water-use low life needing to learn her lesson.

She already had one (unjust!) stain on her record. No way she was going to let this one stand. So, instead of paying the $100 fine, Barb stood this week before a judge and challenged the justice of the charge and consequent fine.

She won. She proudly pointed out the court papers that labeled the charge as ‘dismissed’.

Message to Mr. Water Enforcer: You don’t tug on superman’s cape, you don’t spit into the wind, you don’t pull the mask off that old lone ranger, and you don’t mess around with Barb.