Randy Greenwald

On the eve or two of Father’s day, it has been instructive to spend a week home alone with a six year old.

One of the things that has happened repeatedly through the week is that my son, Colin, from some other part of the house would shout, “Dad?” I would say, “Yes, Colin.” “Are you still here?” “Yes, Colin. Would I leave you?” “No.”

He knows I would never leave him, but the certainty of that knowledge ‘leaks’ and he needs it to be filled up now and then. This has happened so many times that it has begun to bother me. I am clueless how I might settle his mind once and forever that I will never, no never, no never forsake him.

And then it struck me. How often do I question God’s presence. I shout out into space, wondering if he has somehow left me alone in the universe, only because things do not proceed as I’d like them to proceed. But did he not reveal himself as father and me as his adopted child? And did he not say that he would never, no never, no never forsake me?

I’m no better at learning this lesson than my son.

Another thought: Through the week, being the thoroughly modern father I am, I have succumbed to letting “Animal Planet” and the occasional movie give me a hand in child care. Colin, to no surprise for those of you who know him, adores “Animal Planet”. He is particularly enamored with the BBC series they are airing called “Planet Earth”. He has been anxious all week that I would forget to record the episodes that he has missed. So, he has asked me repeatedly if I have taken care of this detail, fearful that I will overlook it or somehow muck up the DVR controls (a definite possibility).

Why does he do this? Because as much as he wants to trust me fully, he doesn’t. He can’t. I’m human and have failed him too many times.

This, too, struck me. His lack of complete trust in me, though to some degree justified, bothers me. I want his complete confidence. But do I give to the sovereign God of the universe the trust HE deserves, the God who in his most holy, wise, and powerful preserving and governing all his creatures and all their actions has my deepest and greatest needs well considered and provided for?

I wonder if my lack of confidence in Him bothers Him in the same way? I am so sorry.

But like a child, trust and security are not automatic, but learned. My prayer is that the Holy Spirit would more and more direct my heart to Christ that I will find in him all the confidence I need. My prayer is as well that that same Holy Spirit would take the heart of my son, and direct it beyond trust in me to an early and deep trust in his God and savior.

It used to be that people would ask me how I was doing, and I would reply “busy”. I think I liked being busy even though I complained about it at every juncture.

And then Eugene Peterson challenged that thinking in his book The Contemplative Pastor by saying that ‘busy’ and ‘pastor’ used together ought to sound to us as jarring as ‘adulterous’ and ‘husband’ or ’embezzling’ and ‘banker’.

Below are comments on this which I have since found worthy of frequent reflection. They are direct quotes from Peterson’s book, and have application no matter one’s profession.

“I (and most pastors, I believe) become busy for two reasons; both are ignoble.

“I am busy because I am vain.

“I want to appear important. Significant. What better way than to be busy?… I live in a society in which crowded schedules and harassed conditions are evidence of importance, so I develop a crowded schedule and harassed conditions. When others notice, they acknowledge my significance, and my vanity is fed.

“I am busy because I am lazy.

“I indolently let others decide what I will do instead of resolutely deciding myself. Let people who do not understand the work of the pastor write the agenda for my day’s work because I am too slipshod to write it myself…. It was a favorite theme of C. S. Lewis that only lazy people work hard. By lazily abdicating the essential work of deciding and directing, establishing values and setting goals, other people do it for us; then we find ourselves frantically at the last minute, trying to satisfy a half dozen different demands on our time, none of which I essential to our vocation, to stave off the disaster of disappointing someone….

Okay, so why do I love my MacIntosh computer? There are several reasons, but this video of Steve Jobs discussing the newest edition of the Mac OS reveals one of them. Enjoy!

Click here.

The General Assembly of the PCA will win no awards for great entertainment, but it does have its occasional bits of drama. If you ever wanted to sit in and see and hear what goes on, it is being broadcast live through its end on Friday. You can view this on line at http://www.pcaga.com/. Enjoy!

Speaking of being busy….

I have since Saturday been home alone with my six-year-old son Colin. I’ve also been trying to do a sensible amount of work. This has required some strategic effort, which, in anticipation of Father’s Day, I thought I’d share with you all.

Saturday: the “Keep busy and let him nip at your heel” strategy worked fine, but that’s what happens on most Saturdays. In most ways, it seemed like a normal Saturday. He even went to bed okay.

Sunday: the “Forget you are responsible and then ship him off to the neighbors” strategy. This is a risky approach, and should only be tried by trained professionals. As some of you know, it was 9:45, or 15 minutes into the worship service before I realized that I had not checked on Colin to make sure he made it into the auditorium for the service. A quick glance assured me that he was where he was supposed to be. Later, he went to swim with the family of a neighborhood friend, and was there through supper. Quite relaxing.

Monday: the “Keep him with you until you crack” strategy. I decided on Monday that a six year old asks an average of 8.2 questions/minute that demand an answer. These are not simple questions. “Dad, what’s evolution?” “Dad, are scientists evil?” “Dad, can I have a snack?” “Dad…” and so forth. At 8.2 questions/minute, that amounts to close to 500 questions/hour. I think that’s about right. I was trying to do a real day’s work as well. When he wanted me to reconstruct a deconstructed transformer, and was not satisfied with my reconstruction, he whined, I cracked and sent him to his bed. That is, it took until 3:23 EDT on Monday to reduce him to crying, “I want my mommy!” (He has, for the record, uttered this twice since then.) So, at 4:30 we were on the way to the library and to Blockbuster for some videos. I was done.

Tuesday: the “Throw in the towel” strategy. Took the day off and took the kid to Adventure Island, even though Mom forgot to leave me his pass. We managed. My plan was to do whatever he wanted to do, and we did. My plan was also to not leave until he was ready. I fudged on that, suggesting subtly at about 4:15 that movement toward home might be a good idea and greasing his palms with Doritos and Coke. It worked.

I’m running out of strategies, and there is a lot of week left.

I want my mommy wife!

When I visited a man in the hospital not too long ago, he said he appreciated me coming to see him, knowing how busy I am. Busy? What does that mean?

I suppose I am ‘busy’ if by that one means that every hour of every day is filled up with something. I am a person of diverse interests and I am NEVER bored. I always have more projects out there than I have time to address. There is always something more to do. I cannot identify with those who come home after a day’s work and watch TV for two or three hours. It mystifies me.

But busy? I can give the impression of being busy by occupying myself with less important things. A pastor is no different than anyone else. We make choices, and some of them are not always good. We find time to do the things that are most important to us.

Never let me off the hook (or yourself for that matter) by assuming that my failure to do something important was because I am busy. Maybe I made wise choices that made it necessary to forgo an important task. Or maybe I was just ‘busy’ with the wrong things.

We are all busy. We all make choices. Pray that I, and you, will make the right choices.

…is, of course, to post at a fairly even and consistent pace. And if one is unable to do so for a stretch, to let his readers, in my case, both of you, know. I have broken the first rule.

The Greenwalds last week spent a week at Elkmont Campground in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. We were blissfully away from all means of communication. No cell phone reception, no internet, no electricity other than that provided by battery. I could sit, and just sit, and sit for a long period of time without guilt. What a treat! But when we liked, we could walk or play games or, and this was a high point, go salamander hunting.

The picture is of a bear cub, out with his ‘mum’ doing some people watching in Cades Cove.

It was a relaxing, though in other ways eventful (!) week, during which blogging did not cross my mind, it being totally and completely impossible.

But I’m glad to be back. Next week leaves me a single dad as Barb and the girls head off to Mississippi on a mission trip. I hope to post some things then.

My previous post pleads for some clarification, and so I will oblige it with three quick comments:

1) My plea is that couples commit to nurture and care of their relationship. I want couples to enjoy their long term relationship, not just endure it. The goal is to end together and happy, not just together.

2) I am not underestimating the difficulty of this. I know that some men and some women are in marriages in which the challenges are great. I understand this, and I honor those who work hard and faithfully in those marriages, and I pray for them. It can and often is tough. My desire is to encourage couples young to not live off the fumes of romantic notions, but to work to build a lasting joy in their marriage.

3) I know that I can only keep my vows by the measure of God’s grace given to me. It must be done, but I’ve got to seek his grace to persevere. And, truth be told, Barb needs more grace in this than I.

I’ve wondered over the years, “If Barb were in a devastatingly awful accident of some type which left her maimed for life or, worse, with a severe shift in personality, would I stay with her?”

For nearly 29 years, Barb has made commitment easy for me. God has given to me a wife who is loving and lovable, forgiving and hard to stay mad at. He has given me someone who endures my weakness and supports my strengths. She is fun to be with and given some spare time, I’d rather be with her than with anyone else.

So I know that this question, while academic for me at this point, is a constant companion for some people. “Should I stay with this woman/man? I don’t think I can endure the way he/she has become.” But even though at this point the answer to the question is easy for me, the answer for every married couple must be the same: I will stay.

Putting aside the more severe realities in which divorce may not only be necessary, but preferred (abuse, ongoing sexual infidelity, desertion) and considering the more common and everyday marital struggles (which sometimes precipitate the severe), we have to say and embrace the conviction that divorce is never an option.

Opting out is not an option once one has opted in.

Maybe we were naive, but when Barb and I were engaged we said to each other that upon our marriage, divorce would never be an option. No matter what, we said in our innocence, we would do what is necessary to make the marriage work.

Yes, we were naive. No courting or newly married couple has a clue regarding the kinds of pressures and challenges marriage brings. And yet I am convinced that embracing the conviction that divorce is not an option has forced us to deal with problems earlier and more swiftly than we would have otherwise.

It is like a guy who has a car. If he means to keep that car for a long time, he will deal with every minor repair issue in a hurry to keep the problem from escalating. By contrast, if he intends to trade the car in soon, he’ll put a temporary fix on it. If he’s renting the car, he ignores the problem.

Guys — your marriage is the car you intend to keep.

I am not a fan of couples writing their own marriage vows. I am a fan of couples now and then revisiting the traditional marriage vows and considering what they mean. Reflect on this:

I, __________ take you, __________, to be my wedded wife; and I do promise and covenant before God and these witnesses; to be thy loving and faithful husband; for better for worse, in plenty and in want; in joy and in sorrow; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish as long as we both shall live.

For better or for worse? In sickness and in health? These are not multiple choice options. We vow before God and witnesses to keep one another ‘as long as we both shall live’.

Divorce is not an option. I’m not renting a wife. I’m keeping her for a long time. I suppose my question is already answered for me. I answered it 29 years ago.

A girl is someone who will spend valuable money and significant time on a beautiful dress that looks lovely on her, only to then cover it up with a graduation gown. One more item in that list of things that I cannot and never will understand.