Fatherdom

On the eve or two of Father’s day, it has been instructive to spend a week home alone with a six year old.

One of the things that has happened repeatedly through the week is that my son, Colin, from some other part of the house would shout, “Dad?” I would say, “Yes, Colin.” “Are you still here?” “Yes, Colin. Would I leave you?” “No.”

He knows I would never leave him, but the certainty of that knowledge ‘leaks’ and he needs it to be filled up now and then. This has happened so many times that it has begun to bother me. I am clueless how I might settle his mind once and forever that I will never, no never, no never forsake him.

And then it struck me. How often do I question God’s presence. I shout out into space, wondering if he has somehow left me alone in the universe, only because things do not proceed as I’d like them to proceed. But did he not reveal himself as father and me as his adopted child? And did he not say that he would never, no never, no never forsake me?

I’m no better at learning this lesson than my son.

Another thought: Through the week, being the thoroughly modern father I am, I have succumbed to letting “Animal Planet” and the occasional movie give me a hand in child care. Colin, to no surprise for those of you who know him, adores “Animal Planet”. He is particularly enamored with the BBC series they are airing called “Planet Earth”. He has been anxious all week that I would forget to record the episodes that he has missed. So, he has asked me repeatedly if I have taken care of this detail, fearful that I will overlook it or somehow muck up the DVR controls (a definite possibility).

Why does he do this? Because as much as he wants to trust me fully, he doesn’t. He can’t. I’m human and have failed him too many times.

This, too, struck me. His lack of complete trust in me, though to some degree justified, bothers me. I want his complete confidence. But do I give to the sovereign God of the universe the trust HE deserves, the God who in his most holy, wise, and powerful preserving and governing all his creatures and all their actions has my deepest and greatest needs well considered and provided for?

I wonder if my lack of confidence in Him bothers Him in the same way? I am so sorry.

But like a child, trust and security are not automatic, but learned. My prayer is that the Holy Spirit would more and more direct my heart to Christ that I will find in him all the confidence I need. My prayer is as well that that same Holy Spirit would take the heart of my son, and direct it beyond trust in me to an early and deep trust in his God and savior.